College Survival: 5 Tricks to Stay Alive

in Education by marcus — October 15, 2007 at 4:07 pm | 1 comment

The story is more common than you think. You get accepted to a respectable college, scrounge together enough money to pay for the initial fees and tuition, and leave home for a life of freedom, partying, intellectual enrichment, and more partying. But then something happens. Books, rent, and food end up costing more than you had planned. That student job doesn’t pay squat. And your scholarships run dry before you even set foot on campus.

Other students have their parents sending a steady flow of extra cash their way on a daily basis. They can afford new outfits as the seasons change. They’ve never had to open a single pack of Cup O Noodles because they are fed by the on-campus cafeteria.

But not you. You shop strictly in the bargain aisle and buy only life sustaining foods at the lowest possible price. You wear the same raggedy outfits two, three, or four times before spending those precious coins to wash them. Dark rings form under your eyes as you take a second job and lose precious sleep. As winter sets in, you’ve got to do whatever it takes to survive. Welcome to the trenches of college life.

Many people have passed through that valley of the shadow of death and lived to tell the tale. How did they make it? Sheer ingenuity and cunning. The following are five tricks college students learn to survive (no illegal or sleazy things here, because those aren’t funny, just sad):

1. Sell plasma – As long as you’re alive, you know you’ve got blood. And as long as you’ve got blood, you’ve got gold. In your blood, apart from the red and white blood cells and the platelets, is a clear, yellowish liquid called plasma. People aren’t willing to pay for blood. But they will pay for plasma. In fact, if you glance through your college newspaper, there’s a good chance you will see an ad from a plasma center. They offer about $35 for a pint of the stuff. If you aren’t overly squeamish toward needles and big tubes coming out of your arms, a pint of this stuff could mean having three meals instead two meals a day for the next week.

Typically, you need to have eaten something within two hours of going in, and you must be well hydrated. Plan to spend a half-hour there, as they will give you a physical examination, screen you for drugs, and have you sign a few waivers. Then you lay down, have a needle inserted into your arm, and watch as the blood flows out of your arm, into a machine where the plasma is separated from the rest of the blood, and back into your arm. Kind of a surreal experience. Next thing you know, you’ve got a $35 dollar check in hand; your life has been extended for a few more days. As an added bonus, you can come back twice a week to do it all over again and make big bucks.

Beyond the satisfaction of having another meal, you get a bizarre rush out of knowing you are so tough you gave your own blood to stay alive. And years from now, when you tell your kids all of the blood-sweat-and-tears stories, you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing this one is true.

2. Wait til closing time - This is a long kept secret from the world of people who pay full price for fast food. At any given fast food restaurant in the United States, in accordance with federal regulations, the staff must dispose of all of the food produced that day. Sadly, all of those perfectly good Whoppers, Seven-Layer Burritos, and chili dogs are callously tossed into the garbage. Now, I know what you’re thinking. You think I’m going to tell you to raid the dumpster when no one’s looking, but you’re wrong. That’s disgusting. There is a civilized, sanitary way to get at that feast before it is wasted.

Listen carefully. Five minutes before closing time, they will start shutting down. A manager will almost certainly be there at the front, moving things along. You walk into the store with all of the pocket change you can muster. You talk to the manager directly. Explain to them that you notice all of the food that will go to waste and that you would like to give them x amount of dollars to take it off their hands. It’s no skin off their backs, after all. The manager will pack all of the food into a bag, probably filled to bursting, take your money, ring it up as a Big Mac or something, and give you the bag of life-sustaining goodness. And presto! You have enough food to survive on for the next three days. Don’t say I never gave you anything…

3. Get pot-lucky - You go to your cupboard and find only a single can of Del Monte corn niblets. You may see a night without protein, calcium, or vitamins. But I see a night full of friends and feasting. How so? The power of the potluck. It’s magical, really. A bunch of friends get together, each with their meager offering, and next thing you know, poof! You have a table set with a feast fit for a king. Everyone eats until they’re full. Instead of being hungry and depressed, everyone is laughing and radiant. That’s the power of the potluck.

If you have friends, it’s easy to do. Get on the phone and call your friends, preferably those who have items from the other food groups. If you don’t have friends, um, it’s time to start talking to other people. You would do well to heed the battle cry of the Lost castaways: Live together, die alone.

4. Make friends with the money - As mentioned earlier, some students will go through the college experience with an abundance of financial resources. They don’t have to worry about making ends meet or having enough to eat. Included in this privileged group are athletes, rich kids, really smart kids, and scholarship magnets. Now, what you need to remember here is that everybody needs a friend, whether rich or poor. So, why not be their friend? Why not allow them to do something nice for someone in need? You’re not leeching off them for their money. Their taking you out to eat or buying you nice clothes is just a by-product of your friendship.

Of course, a caveat is due here. There is a fine line between being friends with someone who has money and being friends because they have money. The problem is, they and you will be able to tell either way. Let the money get the best of you, and you will lose a friend and a source of food. Then, instead of just feeling hungry, you’ll feel hungry and guilty. Bad combination.

Perhaps, a better way to say this is to be a genuine friend to all, regardless of money situations. Then you can trust that those who can take care of you will take care of you.

5. Date for dinners - I see this as the last resort. And, honestly, it works better for the ladies than for the men. A female friend of mine, knowing she was going to be unable to buy enough groceries one week, made sure she had a dinner date set up every night of the week. She went to restaurants where she knew the portions would be large and she always took home the doggy bag for lunch the next day.

As with #4, however, this trick walks a dangerous line, with potentially disastrous results for relationships and reputations. If you plan to use this trick, make it a short-term strategy. Of course, the different dates will catch onto the scheme sooner or later. Better to do it only in times when no other option is available and, hopefully, with a person you truly are interested in dating.

Well, I hope these tricks help someone out, providing a ray of hope to some struggling student reading this blog. I know these tricks got me through some tight spots. Do you have any college survival tips? We’d love to hear them. Post your comments below…

About the author

Marcus Varner earned his BA in English from Brigham Young University with a Creative Writing emphasis. He is currently in his second year at BYU’s lauded MBA program studying Marketing. He blogs, writes fiction and screenplays, loves movies, and can’t resist playing superheroes with his kids.

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