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Newsflash, everybody! The Indiana Jones films are not an accurate depiction of archaeology!!! Gasp! I know, I know. I was shocked, too. I was also shocked to learn that the fateful battle between Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader did not take place in the Emperor’s throne room aboard the Death Star but on a soundstage in California. Also, E.T. was really a monkey in a latex suit.

Have you ever started a new job and found that you and your co-workers were about as compatible as a fudge brownie in a VHS player? All of your attempts at humor were met by shocked glares and a faint chorus of crickets? All of the company propaganda seemed stupid to you but were gospel truth to everybody else? If so, I have good news: it wasn’t your fault. You were the unsuspecting victim of a culture clash.

No, I don’t mean nation-based cultures, like the ones we usually hear about. I’m talking about company cultures. You see, human beings, when they get into groups, can’t resist creating order. They need to have rules of behavior about what is okay to say, what isn’t, who’s in charge, etc. Over months and years, these rules all create a new culture. As it happens on some desert island in the Indian Ocean so it happens in the workplace.

To a great extent, a company’s culture will make or break your time there as an employee. If your personal culture is in conflict with the company culture, you will likely feel isolated and unappreciated. On the other hand, if your personal matches or complements the company culture, you can navigate the social scene of your office with ease.

How do you know what to look for in a company culture? Of course, part of it is figuring out what your personal culture is. Once you do that, the next step is to identify the culture of the company you are interested in, preferrably before you become an employee there. To help you in both of these steps, I have provided the following list of commonly seen cultures. Most people will find that they are a little of two or three of these. Some will find that they fit squarely in one. Check it out and see where you fit:

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1. Adhocracy - If you know about companies like Google and Pixar, then you may be familiar with this culture. Adhocracies thrive on innovation, creativity, and lack of rules and structure. They tend to come up with the next big thing but at the risk of wasting resources on fruitless ventures.

These companies can be maddening for those who crave routine, order, and stability but great for those who hate such things. If you love looking for the next breakthrough and can’t stand doing the same thing every day, the adhocracy culture is a good fit for you. Alot of tech companies fit into this category.

2. Clan - This culture places its bets on the power of people. Their mantra is "Happy employees make great companies." Therefore, everything in the company revolves around team-building and training. Be ready for lots of trust falls, cheesy handholding activities, and group hugs.

Those who find warm and fuzzy moments to be uncomfortable, and ultimately a waste of time, might want to steer clear of Clan cultures. If you go to work for the people you work with and things you can accomplish together, however, you might just belong in the Clan culture.

3. Heirarchy - These cultures thrive on rules and structure. They gain efficiencies by making things run as mechanically as possible. Power, policies, and processes are all detailed ad nauseum. In fact, a lack of rules, processes, and goals makes Heirarchy people very uncomfortable.

It should be plain to see that Adhocracy people will probably not succeed at a Heirarchy as they are polar opposites. Clan people tend to view Heirarchies as cold and impersonal. Heirarchies are often larger corporations or engineering-based firms.

4. Competitive - The opposite of the Clan culture, Competitive companies value the goal, the win, and performance over the people. Bringing home a victory matters most here. Employees who can’t cut the mustard generally get canned quick. Investment banks, sales companies, and sports teams are good examples of Competitive cultures. Competitive cultures can inadvertently promote cheating (i.e. Enron), backstabbing, and a resistance to cooperation. Whatever it takes to be on top.

Obviously, Clan people are appalled by the sharky ways of the Competitive culture and its narrow focus on results. However, the Competitive culture can be unappealing to Adhocracy folks as well.

Most companies are a combination of two or more of these. The best thing you can do before taking your next job is finding out what kind of culture they have and deciding whether you fit in or not.

College professors will be the first to tell you that their lives are boring. They don’t usually find themselves in critter-infested catacombs, duking it out with rabid Nazis or fighting supernatural beasts. They don’t find themselves becoming the victims of their own research, gaining superhuman powers in the process. They especially don’t find themselves in the arms of beautiful, cosmopolitan women. I mean, let’s face it: these guys make a living teaching half-conscious college kids and either reading others’ research or producing their own. They get more involved with spreadsheets and computer models than they do with any damsels in distress.

1. Indiana Jones, The Indiana Jones Quadrilogy

2. Peter Venkman, Ghostbusters I & II

3. Charles Xavier, The X-Men Trilogy

4. Sherman Klump, The Nutty Professor I & II

5. John Nash, A Beautiful Mind

6. Emmett Brown, The Back to the Future Trilogy

7. Mickey Rosa, 21

8. Robert Langdon, The Da Vinci Code

9.  Professor Kirke, The Chronicles of Narnia

10. Alan Grant, Jurassic Park I & III

Do you like to show up at crime scenes with a fake badge and pretend you’re CSI’s Grissom? Do you have a closetful of Columbo-style trenchcoats just waiting for their day in the sun? If so, the Department of Labor has great news!

Careers in criminal investigation are looking better than ever, even with a recession looming. In fact, security careers, which include criminal investigators, were listed recently in Yahoo!’s list of “recession-proof” careers. It makes sense. Criminals don’t take a break when the economy slumps; and neither do criminal investigators.

Fortunately, if you’re willing to get rid of your fake badge and go back to school, criminal investigation careers are easier to get into than ever.

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Criminal investigators gather the facts, collect the evidence, and build the cases to put criminals behind bars. Vital to law enforcement, investigators use advanced surveillance techniques and computer databases to stop illegal activity, provide evidence for prosecution or defense teams, protect assets, and help find missing people. They conduct interviews, examine records, observe suspects, and participate in raids and arrests. Criminal investigators tend to specialize in areas such as computer crime, forensic psychology, crime analysis, crime scene investigation, and fraud examination.

Fortunately, the criminal investigations industry is expected to increase in size, despite the economic downturn. As drug- and computer-related crimes rise and our society becomes more security-conscious, job opportunities for criminal investigators will continue to increase. Individuals with Criminal Investigation degrees can choose from various jobs, from police detective to corporate investigator to loss prevention agent. They can expect to make, on average, between $45,000 and $80,000 with great benefits, stability, and plentiful opportunities for advancement.

Best of all, criminal investigation degrees can be obtained in relatively little time and with minimal investment. New online degree programs are allowing more future criminal investigators to get their careers in less time and on their own schedule, most in two to four years.