3 Stages of Thanksgiving Leftover Overuse
Thanksgiving is a great time of year. College football’s best go head to head. The weather is crisp but not frigid. Families get together. Most of all, we eat food, lots and lots of really good food. Of course, in keeping with the spirit of the holiday, we make more than we can possibly consume in one day without getting sent to the emergency room. This generous surplus converts into lots of leftovers.
For starving college students, this becomes a time of stocking up for the long, cold winter. Parents send their students away with baggies and tupperware packed with stuffing, rolls, mashed potatoes, and several pounds of turkey. Students return from break like conquerors with cars full of the spoils. And for the first week, all is well. But then…
Well, as tends to happen with food, the gravy that was once so rich becomes unbearable, the pumpkin pie turns to rubber, and the turkey just isn’t the same after its been reheated for the fifteenth time. Creative or desperate students find ways to extend the leftovers’ life for another month, anything to stave off a visit to the grocery store. Their efforts take the form of casserole, goulash, and, near the end, soup.
Inevitably, the struggle to reincarnate leftovers leads to something smelly, gag-inducing, and possibly hazardous. It can fracture roommate relationships, destroy one’s love life, or put someone in the hospital with intestinal trauma. Therefore, it is vital that students know when to call it quits or when to tell beloved roommates that enough is enough. To help students with this growing problem, I have provided the following guide to the three stages of Thanksgiving leftovers:
1. Bliss (first week) - This stage is best identified by the freshness of the food. Most of the food is still in its original form, meaning pie is still pie, stuffing is still stuffing, and so on. Turkey may be seen in sandwiches or chopped up with salad. Most items still retain their intended flavor. Near the end of this period, their desire for stuffing and mashed potatoes drops dramatically.
2. Alteration (Week 2 to Week 4) - Having grown dissatisfied with the taste of the leftovers, the student begins to take significant measures to improve or change the flavor of the food. Students may add spices. They may begin experimenting with various combinations: turkey-stuffing casserole, for instance, or pumpkin pie-cranberry sauce cupcakes. Students may also incorporate the leftovers into well-known favorites: deviled egg stir fry or turkey nuggets.
Please note: the end of this period is where leftovers begin to reach the end of their shelf life and may no longer be safe for human consumption. Constant heating and reheating of dishes may actually accelerate this process. Therefore, reuse of leftovers should cease by the end of the Alteration period.
3. Desperation (Week 5 on) - Leftovers become discolored, their taste blending into one nebulous refrigerator taste. Students are aware the food is completely beyond any appealing flavor. A few warning signs can help the observant roommate save a friend. If your roommate throws down their food in one massive gulp, runs to the sink, and swallows a gallon of water, they may be eating food that is no longer edible for humans. If their clothing, room, and car emit the smell of a buffet, they have reached a state of leftover critical mass. If their food moves of its own accord, they have created a brand new species by bombarding the turkey cells with mass doses of microwave radiation. No, they should not eat the food; but they should call animal control immediately.
By learning to recognize these signs, hundreds of college students can be saved every year from the dangers of leftover overuse. Stay alert. Be safe. Leave your comments below…
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Tags: college, food, leftovers, Thanksgiving, university
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