DISTANCE LEARNING | CONTINUING EDUCATION | ONLINE DEGREES

Remember on Lost (the TV show, I mean) when they were in the Hatch and they had to keep entering the same numbers into that computer every 120 minutes, but they really didn’t know why they were doing it or how it all worked. Well, that’s how I feel about job search sites like Monster, Careerbuilder, and Hotjobs.

After faithfully searching for jobs and submitting resumes for the last four years without a single substantial result to speak of, I feel more than a little cheated. I feel a lot cheated, darn it! Duped. Bamboozled. Misled. I mean, the way the whole thing is set up is just cruel. It’s easy to find interesting jobs, they take you directly to a customized page and you can just apply right there. You download your resume, answer a few questions, click the ‘Send’ button, and then… well, and then, who knows what happens. For all we know it gets printed up in Yeti’s lair in the far reaches of Tibet to be used as T.P. for the hairy guy. Or perhaps it gets put into a time capsule and launched into space to the Alpha Centauri system to show our galactic neighbors how naïve and foolish humans are. For all we know, it goes to this big digital drainpipe on the outskirts of the internet where it falls into the black void and disappears completely.

In all seriousness, as easy as they make it to apply, they really only increase the degrees of separation between you and hiring managers. You can’t call them, write them, or even email them. Assuming the resumes actually get to them, they only grab the top few, leaving you with no chance to plead your case or show them your shining personality. You have no way to control the process or sway it in your favor.

So, as of today, I’m swearing off job search sites. I refuse to be led captive by their friendly design, their deceptive offers to help. I’m saying, “Take a hike, Monster. And take your weird creature thing with you. No thanks, Careerbuilder. You’re not building here. Get lost, Hotjobs. This relationship has gone cold.” I’m blazing my own path of face-to-face communication, networking, and sending things via the postal service. If you’re sick and tired of useless job search sites, join with me in ranting. Tell us about your failed relationship with those deadbeat job sites…

Federal investigators seem to have their hands full nowadays. They’re not just putting away drug lords and crooked execs. Just as often, they seem to be catching politicians. Their newest catch, New York Governor Eliot Spitzer, was a doozy. Spitzer had a previously squeaky clean record, a reputation as a crusader, a do-gooder, and a tough prosecutor. Accidentally, the governor was discovered to have been involved with a high-profile prostitution service and boom! The media was saturated with the story of a call girl named Kristen, the brief press conference, Spitzer and his wife’s heartbroken faces.

What must it be like to be one of those federal investigators? One day, you’re just checking out the governor’s dealings, suspecting possibly shady activities, maybe bribery. Next thing you know, you follow his money trail to a premium call girl service, accounts of a scandalous night at a Washington hotel. Without meaning to, you have revealed Spitzer to be morally askew, a hypocrite to everything he stood for. When you come home, your wife asks you, "So, what did you do at work today?" You answer, "I accidentally brought down the governor of New York."

	Top Online Schools
	Kaplan University University of Phoenix Penn Foster Devry University AUI Online

Some people really enjoy this sort of thing. I have a friend who is a police officer. With satisfaction, he tells me about people he pulls over, scumbags he hauls off to jail, doors he kicks in. For him, he is a servant of the law. Bringing people to justice is the highlight of his day. He deals with the most pitiful, irresponsible, dim-witted, ill-intentioned people in our society, and he enjoys it. Obviously, not a job for everyone.

You can bet that law enforcement careers will always be a growing segment. As populations grow and people do stupid things, the justice system will rely on having increasing numbers of people to investigate and bring them in to be prosecuted. That means that if you have the desire to catch bad guys, there will almost always be a position for you to fill. For example, it doesn’t look like we’ll run out of careless politicians any time soon. And that’s a pretty good position to be in (for law enforcement officials, not politicians).

If you’re interested in starting a law enforcement career, feel free to look into getting your degree. If you have something to say about the fall of Eliot Spitzer, sound off below…

To watch the trailer for 10,000 BC is to be bombarded by a host of prehistoric-ish images. Kind of a highlight reel of all the visually cool stuff from a few million years of time. I’m no anthropologist, but I took an obligatory class on anthropology during my college education. I’ve also watched my fill of Discovery Channel shows on prehistoric animals. By the end of the trailer, one thought kept circulating through my brain: I don’t think all those things- cavemen, saber-toothed cats, giant carnivorous birds, etc.- existed at the same time. After a few years away from the textbook, however, I’m a little rusty. So I decided to do some research.

	Top Online Schools
	Kaplan University University of Phoenix Penn Foster Devry University AUI Online

In the interest of trivia and fact-based entertainment, I have made a short list of the facts and fiction that audiences will encounter this weekend when they watch 10,000 BC. This should save at least a few of you from humiliating yourselves at anthropological conferences or on dates with paleontologists. Use the following trivia to wow your friends during the movie:

Woolly Mammoth – Known officially as Mammuthus primigenius, this hairy cousin of the elephant was alive and thriving in 10,000 BC. Earliest fossil records of woolly mammoth date back 150,000 years. The last mammoths were believed to have perished around 1,700 BC. So it fits into the general timeframe of the movie. Whether it was harnessed for building pyramids is another story.

Saber-toothed Tiger – Saber-toothed cats would have been alive during the film’s time period but would have been on the way out. The last saber-toothed mammals went extinct circa 9,000 BC. With their eight-inch canines and 800-pound frames, these big cats would have been widely feared by dreadlocked, dirty-faced cavemen everywhere.

Humans – Humans were no newcomers in 10,000 BC. In fact, DNA evidence indicates that modern humans originated in Africa about 200,000 years ago.

Terror birds – Picture huge, flightless birds, bigger than ostriches, with an appetite for flesh and the speed to catch it, and you’ve got the giant killer chickens formally referred to as Phorusrhacids, or terror birds. Of course, the word “terror” is a dead giveaway. Unfortunately (or fortunately?), it is highly unlikely that the hero of 10,000 BC would encounter these beasties for two reasons: 1) terror birds weren’t around in 10,000 BC, having gone the way of the dodo around 1.2 million years ago, and 2) they were known to inhabit South and North America, not Europe or Africa where the movie takes place.

Pyramids – I know that towering pyramids are much more spectacularly cinematic than, say, thatched huts. But, sorry, even the earliest pyramids known to man go back only as far as 2700 BC. The earliest known pyramid, predating even the pyramids of Egypt, is the Pyramid of Hellinikon in Argolid, Greece, which is actually not much bigger than a public restroom. Like I said, less than cinematic.

Bow and arrow – That formerly-cool-but-now-cliché shot from the trailer where that guy shoots an arrow right at the camera might not have been able to happen in real life. The earliest known use of the bow and arrow dates back to 9,000 BC. I guess it’s cooler than the guy just tossing a rock at the camera.

Ahh… 10,000 BC looks like escapism at its uneducated best. Want to learn to make similarly non-factual but visually appealing films? Check out these easy degrees in film and video production. Have you seen 10,000 BC yet? If you loved it, feel free to berate me below…

The scenario is all too familiar. You work hard at your job. You get your paycheck. You pay your rent, your gas bill, your electric bill, and, of course, your cable bill. In shock, you squint at the meager handful of change left over. And you haven’t even bought dinner yet. Then you start planning to take more overtime to make ends meet. You will continue to repeat this sequence every month indefinitely. This scenario is referred to affectionately as “The Rat Race” and too many of us are stuck in it.

Enough is enough. Today is the day you start planning your escape from the Rat Race. Let’s take a look at your options. Stage an elaborate bank heist and make off with millions to a Caribbean island free of extradition laws? Not recommended. Keep sinking your pocket change into the lottery? Not recommended- like any gambling, even wins have a way of balancing out over time in the establishment’s favor. Change your identity? Not recommended- this costs money, which you don’t have. In fact, let’s say that any options that are illegal or rely on insane odds are off the table. You want something legit and long-term. Something that increases your income and/or decreases your expenses.

	Top Online Schools
	Kaplan University University of Phoenix Penn Foster Devry University AUI Online

I recommend (cue trumpets) EDUCATION!!! DEGREES!!! CERTIFICATES!!! (And I just exceeded my exclamation point quota for the month) Sure, going back to school is tough. You have to get used to reading textbooks, doing homework, taking notes, all that fun stuff, again. But think about the advantages. Higher degrees make you more marketable for better jobs. That means higher pay and higher likelihood of promotions. And that’s not just right out of school. Studies show that college degree holders earn far more than their GED-bearing counterparts, with the difference increasing with each passing year. They also experience the freedom to move upwards indefinitely at work while the others experience a glass ceiling sooner or later.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “I can barely make ends meet now; how am I going to pay for tuition, books, and all that other stuff?” The good news is, financial aid options are all around you. Scholarships exist for nearly every type of person you can think of- single mothers, left-handed people, military veterans, chess players, tall people, short people, science fiction fans, you name it. On top of those, the government is happy to help with Pell grants and low-interest loans. Often, employers will reimburse employees on school costs. With all these resources, money is not an issue.

If you’re worried about time constraints, schools offer full-time programs, night classes, and online classes that allow you to log on whenever you are available.

Education is your key to getting out of the Rat Race once and for all- your escape hatch, if you will. If you’re interested in learning about getting back into school, check out these convenient, nationally recognized programs. Have more questions? Check out these education articles and tips.