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Bosses have a way of rubbing us the wrong way. As nice as it would be to open a can of Jedi punishment on them, most of us usually take the more civilized route, which usually involves continuing to laugh at their unfunny jokes, kiss their butts, and gripe about them to our co-workers.

In this video, the Emperor’s latest Sith apprentice Herbert, a lowly, socially challenged programmer, goes to the Dark Side when his boss goes too far. Boss haters throughout the world, this one’s for you. (Note: don’t read into this too much; we love our boss

If for some reason you cannot see the video below, go here: Star Wars Office Humor

Have you ever started a new job and found that you and your co-workers were about as compatible as a fudge brownie in a VHS player? All of your attempts at humor were met by shocked glares and a faint chorus of crickets? All of the company propaganda seemed stupid to you but were gospel truth to everybody else? If so, I have good news: it wasn’t your fault. You were the unsuspecting victim of a culture clash.

No, I don’t mean nation-based cultures, like the ones we usually hear about. I’m talking about company cultures. You see, human beings, when they get into groups, can’t resist creating order. They need to have rules of behavior about what is okay to say, what isn’t, who’s in charge, etc. Over months and years, these rules all create a new culture. As it happens on some desert island in the Indian Ocean so it happens in the workplace.

To a great extent, a company’s culture will make or break your time there as an employee. If your personal culture is in conflict with the company culture, you will likely feel isolated and unappreciated. On the other hand, if your personal matches or complements the company culture, you can navigate the social scene of your office with ease.

How do you know what to look for in a company culture? Of course, part of it is figuring out what your personal culture is. Once you do that, the next step is to identify the culture of the company you are interested in, preferrably before you become an employee there. To help you in both of these steps, I have provided the following list of commonly seen cultures. Most people will find that they are a little of two or three of these. Some will find that they fit squarely in one. Check it out and see where you fit:

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1. Adhocracy - If you know about companies like Google and Pixar, then you may be familiar with this culture. Adhocracies thrive on innovation, creativity, and lack of rules and structure. They tend to come up with the next big thing but at the risk of wasting resources on fruitless ventures.

These companies can be maddening for those who crave routine, order, and stability but great for those who hate such things. If you love looking for the next breakthrough and can’t stand doing the same thing every day, the adhocracy culture is a good fit for you. Alot of tech companies fit into this category.

2. Clan - This culture places its bets on the power of people. Their mantra is "Happy employees make great companies." Therefore, everything in the company revolves around team-building and training. Be ready for lots of trust falls, cheesy handholding activities, and group hugs.

Those who find warm and fuzzy moments to be uncomfortable, and ultimately a waste of time, might want to steer clear of Clan cultures. If you go to work for the people you work with and things you can accomplish together, however, you might just belong in the Clan culture.

3. Heirarchy - These cultures thrive on rules and structure. They gain efficiencies by making things run as mechanically as possible. Power, policies, and processes are all detailed ad nauseum. In fact, a lack of rules, processes, and goals makes Heirarchy people very uncomfortable.

It should be plain to see that Adhocracy people will probably not succeed at a Heirarchy as they are polar opposites. Clan people tend to view Heirarchies as cold and impersonal. Heirarchies are often larger corporations or engineering-based firms.

4. Competitive - The opposite of the Clan culture, Competitive companies value the goal, the win, and performance over the people. Bringing home a victory matters most here. Employees who can’t cut the mustard generally get canned quick. Investment banks, sales companies, and sports teams are good examples of Competitive cultures. Competitive cultures can inadvertently promote cheating (i.e. Enron), backstabbing, and a resistance to cooperation. Whatever it takes to be on top.

Obviously, Clan people are appalled by the sharky ways of the Competitive culture and its narrow focus on results. However, the Competitive culture can be unappealing to Adhocracy folks as well.

Most companies are a combination of two or more of these. The best thing you can do before taking your next job is finding out what kind of culture they have and deciding whether you fit in or not.

Most workplaces get pretty boring, especially after the holiday season. The decorations come down. All that holiday cheer and free food disappears. People grow grim and depressed at the prospect of three months ahead without any major holidays. The gray walls begin to blend in with the oatmeal-colored cubicles and carpets. On top of this significant drop in office morale, all of the year’s new projects kick into gear at once, inundating desks with ridiculous amounts of requests, meeting invitations, and memos. Not a fun time.

But you don’t have to be satisfied with this morasse of malcontent. You can be the deliverer to bring fun and smiles back to the workplace and free your co-workers from possibly terminal boredom. It doesn’t take a pep rally to liven things up, just a few old school antics that you thought you left in immaturity. Below I give you the top five of these. They are guaranteed to loosen up your co-workers (or get you fired, if someone puts an eye out):

1. Paper Football

With a single sheet of paper, a desk, and two pairs of hands, you and a co-workers can entertain yourselves through four quarters of paper-flicking fun. You just fold the paper into a tight triangle, your opponent forms a goalpost with his hands, and you try to flick the paper through his hands. I believe extra points should be rewarded for hitting your opponent in the forehead, but I am yet to get an opponent to agree with me on that one.

In case the boss comes around, this game is easy to conceal. Keep an important-looking spreadsheet nearby. When you hear the boss approaching, simply signal a timeout, lower your hands, pocket the triangle, stare at the spreadsheet with a concerned look, and state, "No, I’m not satisfied with that IRR. It needs to be higher." The boss will beam with pride and return to his office believing that his department is in good hands.

2. Paper Clip Toss With a high risk of bodily injury, this game also provides a visceral thrill to get that adrenaline pumping. Assuming your neighbor on the other side of the cubicle wall is game, you simply toss a paper clip over and watch a war ensue. They’ll say, "Hey!" Then a paper clip flies over at you in retaliation. Next, you can strike immediately or wait until they’ve settled back into their work. The latter is a better option because of the element of surprise. They might say "Hey!" again or "Ow!" if you hit them in the eye.

To enhance the game, you can secretly provoke a war between two of your neighbors. It’s easy. You just throw a paper clip at one at such an angle that they think it came from your other neighbor. If they retaliate against your other neighbor, then you can just sit back and enjoy the show. If they don’t retaliate initially, you can prod the other neighbor by throwing a paper clip at them. Keep alternating back and forth until they commit to full-on war, then enjoy the show.

3. Rubber Band War

This game raises the stakes even higher. Welts are highly possible as are eye injuries. Even more risky, however, accurate firing of rubber bands requires a direct line of sight. You have to stand up, move around, or otherwise expose yourself to a possible sighting by the boss. Also, unlike with many co-workers will not take kindly to the snap of a rubber band. Shooting the wrong person can easily get you reprimanded or fired. Therefore, pick your targets carefully.

One more caveat: don’t get carried away. Discreetly peeking and shooting each other can quickly escalate into running around the room, giggling, and otherwise exposing yourself to the boss. At that point, it would be impossible to conceal your involvement.

4. Swivel Chair Merry-go-round

This game is for the bold only. An employee whirling around at high speeds is bound to catch someone’s eye. An employee falling out of the chair and hurling all over the floor is bound to get someone fired. But, for the brave, I recommend this game. One employee takes a seat in a swivel chair. Another employee takes hold of the chair and spins it. They keep spinning it faster and faster until the employee in the chair begs for mercy. At this point they are so dizzy and nauseous that they will probably lose their balance. Keep them seated for at least a minute to avoid head injuries. They may need to go home for the rest of the day with a headache so use this one sparingly.

This game should be played when the boss is stuck in a meeting, out of town, or at home. Also make sure that the chair used is solid and in good working condition.

5. M.A.S.H.

No, not that Korean War TV show. I’m talking about that classic old school game that has entertained elementary school kids for decades. You know, Mansion Apartment Shack House? Considerably less dangerous, this game requires a pen, paper, and at least two people. Its whole purpose is to predict who you will marry, what you will drive, what color your ride will be, how many kids you will have, where you will live, what job you will have, and what kind of residence you will live in. For instance, I just played it online and ended up marrying Sandra Bullock, driving a blue minivan, having twenty kids, living in a house on the poor side of the tracks, and working as a garbage man, all of which isn’t too far from reality.

For the uninitiated, here are the instructions. You write down five people, five automobiles, five colors, five numbers of kids, five locations, and five jobs, all of these being possibilities for the employee’s future. Of course, some of the options have to be less desirable than others. You arrange these lists in a row. You then tell the administrator your favorite number. They take the number and count down the list. Every time they reach your lucky number they cross off that item. They repeat this process, going through the lists again and again until only one item remains in each category.

Let the games begin and the boredom end! If not you, who? If not now, when? Seize the day and free your co-workers from the doldrums of the workaday world. And don’t blame me if you are handed your possessions in a box and told to leave immediately.

About the author

Marcus Varner earned his BA in English from Brigham Young University with a Creative Writing emphasis. He is currently in his second year at BYU’s lauded MBA program studying Marketing. He blogs, writes fiction and screenplays, loves movies, and can’t resist playing superheroes with his kids.

The first day you walk into a workplace, you can’t help but notice how everyone seems to be a certain kind of character. And each character comes together in that place where everyone would rather not be to make this weird microcosmic stew.

Needless to say, getting to know and getting along with your co-workers can be an interesting game. To help you out, I’ve provided the following guide to five common types of co-workers:

The Guffaw

Their loud laughter carries over every surface, every cubicle wall, so strong and crisp it sounds like they could be right next to you. Interestingly, the laugh is usually disproportionately large in comparison with the actual joke told. Often, there is no joke told at all, and the laugh represents the Guffaw’s confusion, embarrassment, or lack of intelligent things to say. Although an effective ice breaker at first, the Guffaw’s laugh quickly becomes an annoyance to co-workers as they catch on to its seemingly illogical pattern and especially when they are having a bad day.

The Guffaw can vary in its appearance. Many Guffaws wear a large grin that seems ready to burst with laughter. Oddly, other Guffaws wear an almost melancholy expression most of the time until presented with a joke, an embarrassing or confusing situation, or an opportunity to end a conversation quickly, at which time their gloomy countenance bursts into eerily lively laughter.

The Guffaw’s motto: "He who laughs loudest covers up his ineptitude, low intelligence, or fear." My advice: Laugh before they can and see what they do.

The Jester

Every workplace needs one. Since ancient times, kings have included jokers in their courts for the purpose of lightening the mood. The modern workplace does the same. The Jester continues to serve a vital function in today’s organizations: to keep everyone from throttling each other. The Jester gets most people to loosen up. Especially during very stressful times, the Jester gets people laughing and being themselves, providing very necessary distractions. They’ve always got a joke, a controversial comment, a drawerful of gags, and a bunch of dirt on every co-worker, which they jovially put to use for the greater good of the workplace. The Jester creates an essential counter balance to the corporate drive to turn all employees into automatons.

A word of caution, however: the Jester can be a double-edged sword for one key reason. They don’t know when to stop, their comedic urges being pretty much uncontrollable. This means that they will keep joking and roasting people without sensitivity for the situation. They are known to make comments about taboo bodily functions when a VP visits. Although managers enjoy the Jester’s contributions to team sanity, they also fear the Jester for their tendency to turn on leadership and burn them in front of the group, thus demolishing any semblance of authority or power. In today’s litigation-phobic business environment, Jester’s are a real risk as they can easily cross the line into sexual, racial, or other harassment.

The Jester’s motto: "Make ‘em laugh." My advice: Out-jest the Jester. That will humble them, gain their respect, and keep you off their hit list. For a fun time, match up the Jester with the Guffaw or the Jester with the Fuhrer (see below).

The Mouse

Their frightened, beady eyes dart about as they peer out of their cubicle. They hunch over their workstation like a squirrel over a nut. They wear a concerned look on their face. When confronted by the predators of the office, they stare up at them as if gazing into the headlights of an oncoming semi. These people seem born to cling to the bottom of the food chain, and they are called the Mouse. The Guffaw, the Jester, and the Fuhrer (see below) scare the Mouse to death- heck, everyone does.

Ironically, the Mouse can be in any position from the lowest underling to the manager. Regardless of rank, the Mouse is everyone’s victim; in fact, they can be your victim. If the Mouse is your boss, you can easily get time off, better chairs, and top-of-the-line equipment from them; they are especially useful when you want a raise or a promotion. If they are beneath you on the totem pole, they become a very accessible resource in times of need. Unfortunately, they are not ideal for representing your team to higher-ups. If this is your case, be prepared for the Mouse to come back empty-handed.

The Mouse’s motto: "I’ll do whatever you want. Just don’t hurt me." My advice: Talk very softly and never trust them to deliver an important message.

The Fuhrer

Flyers appear regularly on every surface of your workplace reminding employees of rules. You have to look over your shoulder before even thinking about disobeying protocol. Your managers seem to know your every move. A misplaced keystroke results in employees being scooped up by company secret police and never being heard from again. Your desk creaks under the crushing weight of piles of company operating manuals. These you are required to recite by rote once a month. Your company dress code has been narrowed down to charcoal gray, unisex jumpsuits made of the most uncomfortable material. Sorry to tell you this: you’re living under the reign of the Fuhrer.

The Fuhrer is best recognized by their inability to laugh, slouch, or otherwise act in violation of company policy. Seeing others violate, or even talk about violating, company policy is first incomprehensible and then deeply upsetting to the Fuhrer. They will first return to their workstation to return to optimal body temperature and then they will proceed to systematically eliminate the negative behavior.

You see, long ago, the Fuhrer rejected free thought in favor of rigid company policy. Every facet of their life, from the time they open their eyelids to the time they go to sleep, is performed in accordance with the company policy manual. They have the CEO’s autographed photo on a golden shrine in their cubicle. Every article of their clothing has the company logo embroidered on it. On Friday nights, they watch company propaganda videos. The Fuhrer can be found at every level of an organization, from entry-level to top management.

The Fuhrer’s motto: "Order." My advice: If you’ve amassed a significant undergound, stage a rebellion; if you are hopelessly outnumbered, quit.

The Cliche

"Step up to the plate." "Hold a pow wow." "Shoot an email." "Heads will roll." "It is what it is." "Put out fires." "Tighten our belts." "Throw them under the bus." "Turn it around." "Give 110 percent." "Value added." "Win-win situation." "Wheels coming off the train." "Have vision." "Think outside the box." "Paradigm shift." Everyone uses these- that’s why they’ve become cliches. However, the Cliche uses only these. They’ve become so immersed in the uncreative language of the workplace that they have literally lost their ability to form original phrases. Whatever part of the brain is responsible for original speech has withered within the skull and become useless.

The Cliche can be as easy to recognize as the Guffaw. When they open their mouth, it is as if someone has activated a tape recorder that replays the same things they said yesterday. The odd word is thrown in here and there to make it fit the current situation. When the Cliche encounters a situation that cannot be answered by a cliche, they suddenly fall silent, and a look of utter helplessness befalls them. On the bright side, the Cliche is relatively harmless, unless you find yourself adopting their vocabulary.

The Cliche’s motto: "You can say that again." My advice: To fight the mind-numbing effects of the Cliche’s verbology, read Shakespeare when you get home. You may also be able to reverse the Cliche’s condition by reading to them.

So, now that you’ve read the list, admit it: these people sit right next to you. And there are plenty of other types. Comment below and give me your list…